She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
