his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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