I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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