in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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