THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
