Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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