the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
