i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
