i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the day after is always just damage control
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
