Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
