I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This toilet bowl is my home.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
