it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
