ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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