dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
