I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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