suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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