He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
