I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize