I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
