bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
