then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize