We're like a lot better than the average bears
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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