Non-Jews are for practice
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
as a side note pls kill me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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