the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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