just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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