I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
