I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
