Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think i have two assholes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
