I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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