I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
