Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
