D3 body, D1 cock
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
