I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
