Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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