I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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