it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
