I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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