So drunk its hurt
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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