The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
