I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
