i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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