Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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