i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
