Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
