Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
