Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
