Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
