i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
