Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
