my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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