Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
