he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
