dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
