I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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