there's paper in my vomit.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
