You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
