I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize