Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
