That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize