When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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