New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
