I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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