If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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