Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
