ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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