You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
