I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
