Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
