it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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